


poison in the cup

by cherrywood



Series: fill me up [1]
Category: Cow Chop
Genre: Alternate Universe - Sugar Daddy, Angst, Drug Use, Hate Sex, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Manipulative Relationship, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Porn With Plot, Rough Sex, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-23
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-11-17 02:19:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11265909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherrywood/pseuds/cherrywood
Summary: James has the metaphorical gun in his hands but he just can't pull the trigger.





	poison in the cup

**Author's Note:**

> read the tags

“So, I crashed my car last night,” Aleks’ said in the voicemail. His voice was scratchy like he had been yelling the entire night and James’ stomach rolled at the implications of that. 

In the background James could hear a muffled feminine voice talking, followed by a louder, deeper laugh that definitely wasn’t Aleks. He felt the worry that had been sitting low in his stomach turn to anger and then disappointment. Of course Aleks hadn’t called because he had been out partying, what else would he have been doing? 

Aleks’ disembodied voice continued to ramble over the phone, “Do you think you can you buy me a new car? I really need one for work. I won't crash it I promise, actually this time wasn’t even my fault there was this asshole and he-” 

James scoffed and closed the phone before he could hear the rest of whatever bullshit Aleks was going to try and come up with. It was too early in the morning to deal with, especially after a long night without sleep. 

Aleks could be the one to wait this time, it would give him a taste of his own medicine. 

 

 

“I’m glad you called,” Aleks said when he answered the phone on the third ring. James could practically hear the saccharine smile, could see the honey dripping from his mouth as he spoke. “I needed to talk to you about something.” 

“You crashed my car,” James growled back at him, not in the mood for the games Aleks liked to play. 

“It was my car,” Aleks corrected flippantly. “You gave it to me.” 

“It's my name on the slip, Aleks,” James shouted, unable to control the anger curling inside his gut. “It's my money down the drain, plus now I have to deal with the fact that you weren't on my insurance so they might fine me for that, this is a huge mess you’ve created for me.” 

Aleks didn’t respond right away, James knew that he was testing the waters, trying to figure out the best way to deal with the situation, trying to calm James down enough so that he could get what he wanted out of him. 

“Should I come over?” Aleks finally replied. “To apologize.” 

There was a double entendre there. An innuendo that James recognized from the multiple times it had already been used on him. It hurt more now that he could recognize it and yet still fell for it. Ignorance was bliss. 

And he almost said yes, but something prevented him, thetiny sliver of rationality he had left. 

Because when James looked too closely at Aleks these days he noticed things. The dark circles and bloodshot eyes, the way his wrists keep getting thinner and the veins keep getting darker, the sluggishness in the way he moved and spoke.

How long it had it been since he last remembered Aleks being completely sober? 

When James had first met Aleks he hadn't been like that. He had partied and gotten drunk, but he had also been sweet and funny and caring. The glow in his eyes wasn’t artificial back then like it was now, it had been genuine, he had been genuine. 

But James wasn't the same person he was eight years ago, so maybe it wasn’t fair for him to blame Aleks for changing. In all honesty it might even be his fault that Aleks turned out this way, money messed with people, especially eighteen year old runaways who had never had anything before. That didn't mean James regretted helping Aleks back then, he would have died on the street if he hadn't.

He did, still does, regret letting it get so out of hand. 

He regretted letting his heart swallow up his reasoning. Regretted allowing Aleks to charm him and play him like a fool to this very day, his very moment. All Aleks had to do was say please and bat his eyes, or snivel a bit like he's going to cry, and James had his pocketbook open, shoving money in his direction and hoping it's enough to please him. 

Hoping it's enough to keep him.

It wasn’t. Never has been and never would be. Aleks was fading, bits of him disappearing to the smoky rooms and flashing dance floors that he spent his time engulfed in. 

James couldn’t let that happen, he had to step up and take responsibility at some point, had to hold both of them accountable for their actions. He had the gun in his hand and he didn’t want to be forced to pull the trigger, but if he had to he would. 

“You can take the bus,” he dismissed, tone leaving no room for argument, but Aleks still pushed because that’s what he did. 

“That's unfair,” he complained. “The bus doesn't go to where I need to go.” 

James should have just hung up. He should have cut this off before he had a chance to change his mind and fuck it up even more, but his common sense was overpowered by a sudden vindictiveness, a jealousy that raged within in him as he remembered the voices in the background from the voicemail this morning, “Your new boyfriend won’t give you a ride?” 

Aleks was quiet for a second, then he let out a low laugh that made James’ skin crawl with a mixture of apprehension and anticipation, “Oh,” he said simply before James hung up, not wanting to hear the rest. 

He had work to do, a multi-million dollar company wouldn’t run itself. 

 

 

James expected Aleks to show up sooner than he did. 

He hadn’t been waiting on him per se, but his mind had definitely been off for the entire day. He found himself wondering about the car accident, if Aleks had been injured, if he had been driving, if there would be any legal issues James would inevitably have to deal with once they got too big for Aleks to keep hidden. 

It was almost four in the afternoon by the time his secretary called to tell him that ‘an Aleksandr Marchant’ was there to see him. Normally James would have already gone home or been dragged out to some pretentious bar with his coworkers seeing as it was a Friday, but he had been stuck waiting in his overheated office like a fly in a web. 

Aleks walked in like he had all the time in the world, which James’ supposed that in his mind maybe he did. Aleks never considered his own mortality. 

“Get out,” James told him, though it lacked any real heat. He didn’t look up from his computer screen, started typing out gibberish to make himself seem more busy than he was. 

Aleks didn’t respond at first. James watched him from the corner of his eye as he first locked the door (James’ ignored his increased heart rate in response to that, he was like one of Pavlov’s fucking dogs) then wandered around the office with curiosity that seemed out of place considering that he had been in here probably hundreds of times before. He fiddled with the knick-knacks and photos, leaving them crooked and unorganized, and distractedly grabbed books off the shelf, putting them back haphazardly and out of order. 

James sighed in frustration but eventually relented, turning his computer off and spinning his chair around so that he could watch him. He was definitely out of it, not acting completely strung out, but definitely high. Probably just some weed or ecstasy to calm his nerves, he had a pretty high tolerance to both of them. 

Aleks finally put back the bobblehead souvenir he had been messing with and turned to face him, his lips twitched like he was holding back a smile, “Are you still mad at me?”

“Yes,” James answered, pointedly refusing to make eye contact. Outside the sun was sitting low in the sky, beating down into the office and making it much warmer than he normally liked it. He could close the blinds, but it seemed like a bad time with Aleks’ eyes glued to him. 

“Want me to make it up to you?” Aleks grinned at him like a shark. His teeth shockingly white (James had paid for that treatment a while ago, he’s surprised at how long it lasted), a contrast to the black v-neck and jeans he had on. 

“No.” 

Aleks hummed in fake disappointment, moving to sit on the desk. He carelessly pushed aside a stack of papers, ignoring the annoyed noise James made in the back of his throat as they fell. 

James watched a finance report sheet flutter to the ground, landing face-up. He tried to convince himself that the graphs looked far more interesting than the way that Aleks stretched out as if the desk was the most comfortable place in the world, how his shirt was so low-cut that you could see his chest tattoo and the myriad of hickeys and marks adorning it, how the sunlight made his blonde hair look even more vibrant despite the roots starting to show.. 

It was lethal and Aleks knew it if the way he was smirking was anything to go by, “How about now?” 

James had forgotten the context of the question, too busy trying to keep his pride intact, so he hummed instead of answering. 

Apparently it was enough of an answer to Aleks, who got a look in his eyes before crawling across towards him. He knocked even more papers astray as he moved, but James didn’t make a noise this time, he kept his mouth shut firm, too worried about what it might come out if he opened it.

He clenched his hands at his side as Aleks finally swung himself into his lap, mouthing along his jaw and throat. “Come on,” he kissed down James’ neck to his collarbone. “Just one car, and I'll be a good boy. I promise.” 

James felt bile rise up in his throat. In his head there was a pounding thunder doing it’s best to wash out any logical thought as Aleks unbuttoned his shirt and started to suck a mark onto his bicep. He knew better than to do it any higher, where other can see it when James undid the top couple buttons of his shirt if his office got too hot. 

The office was too hot now, and James’ shirt was already unbuttoned far beyond what would be considered professional. He was suddenly glad that Aleks had locked the door, he couldn't imagine the mortification of his secretary walking in on this (as if she didn’t already know exactly what went on whenever Aleks came to visit). 

There was a word on the tip of his tongue, one that starts with S and ends with P, but Aleks was intoxicating and James couldn’t breathe in anything but his scent. This wasn’t what either of them needed right now, and if James had more self-control than he would be calling Aleks a taxi to give him a ride back to therapy, but he didn’t pick up his phone, instead he gripped the belt loops on Aleks’ jeans, pulling him in closer until their chests were flesh-to-flesh. 

The chair hit the window behind them with a thud, and distantly over the rushing in his ears James’ heard the click and then whir of the AC thankfully starting up again. The timing was convenient enough to be embarrassing, but he ignores the thought. 

Aleks lost his balance a bit at the sudden movement, but he corrected it easily, placing a knee on either side James’ thighs so that they hung out of the chair slightly. The angle was odd, but not entirely bad and neither of them had been expecting anything fancy out of this.

James initiated the kiss first, drunk on the small, soft noises Aleks made as he grinded down on his thighs. He wanted to make him desperate, wanted to flip the tables and have Aleks be the one who lost control for once. 

“You taste like grape,” James told him as he pulled away from Aleks’ mouth, panting like a dog. 

“It’s the cough syrup.”

Aleks said it like it was a joke, but something visceral pulled itself loose from James’ gut as he processed what that sentence really meant. 

It was a taunt, a knife to his fucking gut that slipped easily between his ribs, finding and piercing the same hole left behind the last time Aleks was feeling particularity cruel. It was bait on the end of a hook and James fell for it every time. 

Caution to the wind, he grit his teeth against the sudden horrified sob that wanted to burst from his chest, “Oh? Who were you with?” 

Aleks didn’t answer at first, just hummed and continued to nibble along James’ collarbones. 

And that really wasn’t okay with him. 

James pushed him off of his lap in sudden disgust. Aleks didn’t even wince as he hit the ground with a thud, he had been expecting it. There was a hollowness in his eyes that almost managed to make James cry but in the moment he was too filled with restless angry energy to feel pity, “I asked you a fucking question,” he growled, standing up from the chair as he finished unbuttoning his shirt. 

Aleks smirked, shark teeth back out for the whole word to see. He let his head loll back so that his neck was bared in what seemed submissive, but James could see the way his lips curled back into a snarl, “Just some girl.” 

There was a comment that James could have made, something nasty and underhanded that might have made Aleks cry real tears instead of crocodile ones, but he couldn’t remember what it was. His brain suddenly felt like a livewire as Aleks continued to watch him, outwardly disinterested but his eyes flickered with some kind of emotion that James didn’t have a name for yet. 

“Just some girl,” James sneered down at him. “That’s real fucking cute.” 

_After everything I do for you_ , he wanted to say. 

_Even though you told me you loved me_ , he wanted to say. 

_What if we were different?_ He wanted to ask so badly that his throat burned in protest when he refused to. 

Instead he cleared his throat, trying to dislodge the lump that was suddenly there. It wasn’t fair how easy it was for Aleks to rile him up, Aleks really wasn’t fair. How many fouls were players allowed before they were booted from the game? It seemed like far too many. 

“I fucked her,” Aleks said unnecessarily. 

“Did you?” James responded, grabbing him by the shirt and pulling him up until he’s leaning against the desk. “And how much did she pay you for that?” 

Aleks flinched at that, a flash of anger in his eyes and a tick in his jaw that James accepted as a minuscule victory. 

“Not as much as you,” Aleks snarked, and then the moment was gonna, the teeth back out and sharp as ever. 

James smiled while he fought back the urge to scream. 

Aleks had already unzipped his own jeans and was pulling them down past his knees, kicking them away without any preamble. James felt stupid just standing there and watching but he needed a minute to catch his breath, to control his thoughts, to make a fucking game plan that wouldn’t be dashed against the rocks every time Aleks opened his mouth. 

Aleks didn’t give him a minute, he pulled him forward by his hair and kissed him roughly, missing James’ mouth and landing on his jaw, “You planning on doing something?” he taunted, barbs on the tip of his tongue that burrowed into James’ skin and stayed there. 

“Fuck you,” James responded, already gasping for breath again as Aleks continued to trail his mouth over his jaw, breath hot and distinctly fruity. 

“Yeah,” he agreed with a low groan that made James’ blood burn even hotter. “Good idea.” 

And it was the invitation James had been looking for. He pulled Aleks’ underwear down to his knees and noted with some pride that he was already half-hard. He distractedly licked his palm, grimacing at the salty taste of sweat, before gripping lightly onto his dick. 

Aleks keened at the contact, his hips twisted up and James placed his other hand on his stomach to keep him from squirming off the table, “Slut,” he whispered half-heartedly, not sure if Aleks could even hear him over his whines. 

He kept going for a bit, waiting for Aleks to get fully hard before tracing a hand downwards, brushing against his hole and smirking at the way he jerked and groaned in frustration. 

Then it occurred to him, how easily his finger fit even without anything to aid it. His smirk fell away, replaced by a sneer of disgust, “You really are a fucking slut,” he tried to hide his jealousy, how his head thrummed and his eyes went blurry, focusing purely on the way Aleks didn’t even bother to pretend to be ashamed, so sure of his grip on James that he knew it wouldn't matter at this point. 

James shoved another finger in and felt stupidly happy at the realization that at least Aleks had used a condom, then it hit him how fucked up it was to be grateful that Aleks was at least being safe when he was out cheating on him. 

“Just some girl,” James repeated Aleks’ words from earlier as fire smoldered in his veins. 

Aleks smirked again, “And her boyfriend,” he raised his eyebrows challengingly and James had always been competitive. 

“And her boyfriend,” he echoed, undoing his pants with one hand, the other tightened its grip in Aleks hair, forcing it back so that his back arched up from the table. “You better be fucking clean,” is all the warning James bothered to give him before pushing forward into the tight heat. 

Aleks grunted, sweat beading on his upper lip as he let out a pained breath, “Fuck,” he cursed under his breath. 

James only took a second to center himself before he started to move. There was something comfortable about the way Aleks’ breath caught in his throat and how his hands scrambled for purchase, grasping onto the edge of the desk and holding on so tight that his knuckles turned white. It’s familiar, like coming home after a long vacation. 

Except home had been robbed and gutted while he was out, and all James is left with is whatever the burglars didn't want to carry back with them. 

Aleks started to moan and moved his hips encouragingly. James kissed him to quiet him, they were still in his office and the walls weren’t one hundred percent sound-proof. It wasn’t romantic or even sensual. It was all gnashing teeth and choked screams that got swallowed up before they could make a sound. James recognized the metallic taste of blood on his tongue, but he wasn't sure which one of them was bleeding. Both of them maybe.

It was gratifying to watch as Aleks came undone, to hear him lose his words and to be stuck whining incomprehensibly. He jerked himself off with one hand and gripped around James’ shoulders with his other. If James was feeling particularly cruel he would grab the hand on his dick, hold it above his head, and make him wait.

He was feeling something, but it wasn’t cruelty yet, so he didn’t. He watched Aleks come with a full body spasm and prettily parted lips, babbling incoherently. He didn’t stop fucking him until he was twitching and groaning in protest, weakly trying to push James away. 

Only then did James pull out.

“What?” Aleks questioned groggily, looking at him through hooded eyes. He was confused and James felt a small sense of victory. He had turned the tables, it was Aleks’ who was lost, who had lost this round.

“We’re going home, get your clothes on,” James responded callously as he tucked himself back into his pants, barely managing not to cringe at the feeling of his slightly damp underwear pulling over his still hard dick, and buttoned up his shirt. 

Aleks stayed still for a few more seconds before getting up lazily and stretching his arms above his head, “You don’t have any more work to do?” 

James didn’t bother answering or packing up his stuff, he could come back and get it tomorrow if he needed it. He knew that Aleks didn’t want to go anywhere personal unless it was up to him, it made him feel uncomfortable. Normally James didn’t push it, but Aleks owed him and they both knew it. If he could keep him shacked up for the night than that would be a full twelve hours that Aleks wouldn’t be out fucking other people and slowly killing himself. 

Luckily his secretary had already gone home, making the humiliation somewhat lessened, but the elevator ride was awkward. 

Aleks tried to paw at his crotch at one point in the car ride back but James shoved him away, making him pout but give up. Neither spoke for the rest of the way back to James's house, even though they both wanted to. 

 

 

James’ fingers fit perfectly in between Aleks’ ribs, like piano keys, he just wished he knew how to play. Aleks played piano, or at least he used to, he thought deliriously, once again lost in his mind as Aleks pulled down the waistband of his underwear, gripping his dick with delicate hands.

Light fleeting touches across his chest, mixed with the hand on him had his mind reeling and his heart thumping as Aleks shoved him onto the bed. The mattress dipped as he crawled on top as well, straddling James’ thighs before leaning down and kissing him tenderly. 

James didn’t understand what changed, why they were suddenly playing at love instead of hate, but he couldn’t really complain as Aleks carded his fingers through his hair, pulling just enough that the pressure made James twist upwards and groan. 

Aleks giggled a bit, “Dude, you’re so hard.” 

James nodded and blinked blearily, he liked the way Aleks smiled down at him. He was aware of the fact that he was losing the game, but he couldn’t find it within himself to care as Aleks reached forward to hold his dick again, fingers too loose to do much but make James even more frustrated than he already was, but he still twitched in pleasure at the contact. 

“Doesn’t it hurt?” Aleks teased, letting go despite James’ groan before he again trailed his fingers down James’ chest, ghosting over his nipples carelessly. His nails were longer than James’, leaving small red scratches when he pressed down too hard. 

“Fuck off,” James growled, but it was interrupted with a moan as Aleks grinded himself backward, brushing his ass over his dick. 

James reached up, grabbing his hips and mouthing expletives as Aleks once again shifted back. 

Then he stood up. 

It was so sudden that James felt like he should have whiplash, “What are you doing?” he mumbled in confusion. 

Aleks smirked, “You told me to fuck off, I’m a good listener.” 

_Checkmate._

Here was the moment of truth. 

Aleks smirked victoriously, but despite his confidence he still twitched nervously in the silence. 

Because James had all the power here and they both knew it, he had the fucking gun and all Aleks had to rely on was _this_ to keep him from pulling the trigger and in that moment of realization James felt such a strong wave of self-hatred that his chest pulled tight, like a rubber band threatening to snap in two. 

He should pull the trigger, should end this farce, force the two of them back to reality, but Aleks sensed the hesitation like a shark senses blood in the water, and he turned to leave, showing his cards, but leaving the decision in James’ hands.

The band in James’ chest snapped clean in half.

He jerked forward, reaching out to grab Aleks’ wrist and pull him back. They tumbled onto the bed again, this time the intimacy was gone, replaced by a sudden desperation in the way they tore at eachother now. 

Aleks won again and James took it out on him in the only way he could, the only way he knew how. He pulled Aleks’ hair, forcing him backwards so that his back was flush against his chest, “God, I hate you,” he admitted as he licked the shell of his ear. 

Aleks managed to laugh and groan at the same time, trying to squirm out of James’ grip, “What did God ever do to you?” 

He let you be born. He let me meet you. He let’s me fuck you. He hasn’t smited either of yet. He gave me the gun but not the will to use it. 

James finally let go of Aleks’ waist, using his hands instead to tip him forward and keep him pressed down onto the mattress with one hand on the small of his back. With his free hand he grabbed a handful of Aleks’ regretfully short hair and pulled it again that his back arched. 

“Shut up,” he warned at Aleks’ sudden pained cry. “The least you could do is just shut the fuck up.”

It was almost too personal, an admittance of some sort that Aleks’ voice was getting to him, so he counteracted it by shoving his dick into his ass. A weird escape method, but no one in this bed ever pretended to be normal, at least not with each other. 

Aleks did scream a bit then, not in pain, more out of shock at the suddenness. His hole fluttered a bit as James continued to fuck in, not bothering with pacing himself. Aleks had already come once today (maybe more), he could wait. 

His breath came out in sharp huffs as Aleks eventually got over the surprise and started moving with the thrusts, morning into the sheets, though James noted through his hazy mind that he didn’t speak again. 

It was therapeutic to just let go, to keep his hand pressed down, holding Aleks in place and forcing him to take whatever he gave him. After all the stress Aleks forced on him it was good to get something in return, even if the guilt and self-hatred were barely held back, clawing to get free and overtake him. 

He ignored it, getting lost in the sensation of Aleks writhing beneath him, how good it felt, perfectly wrong in all the right ways, an impossible contradiction that could only work because it was them. 

James came without making any more noise than a slight grunt, he didn’t want Aleks to realize how shaken he was. It had been too long since they had fucked in a real bed, he had been giving up too easily recently. 

Aleks whined something, muffled by the mattress in his face as James slumped over, letting all of his weight hang on him. He stayed there for a second, catching his breath and letting Aleks do the same.

He pulled out without any warning and flipped Aleks over so that he was on his back, grabbing onto his wrists and holding them above his head before he could get back his bearings. 

Aleks made a confused noise in the back of his throat, still not talking. 

James wondered if this was a new game, he wasn’t going to lose if it was. 

He let go of his wrists in favor of his hips before leaning down and licking a solid stripe from the tip of Aleks’ dick all the way to the base, smirking as Aleks groaned and tried to twist away. 

He hushed him, taking a second to briefly pat his head before dipping down again, this time taking the tip into his mouth and sucking. 

Aleks got into it easily, pushing his hips up for more until one brutal thrust had James choking and glaring. He held him down after that, a hand back on his stomach, the other fondling his balls the way he knew he liked it. 

Aleks let out a particularly loud noise that signified he was about to come but James popped off of him and immediately grabbed the base of his dick, holding it firmly as Aleks tried to fuck up into it. He let out a groan of annoyance, glaring at him through hooded eyes. His pupils were blown wide and his chest was covered in a thin sheen of sweat. 

James smiled at him, waiting for him to calm down before moving his hand slowly, teasing in a way reminiscent to how Aleks had been earlier. 

He kept it like that, waiting until Aleks closed his eyes or started to twitch before stopping, holding him there in limbo as Aleks would hiss or grunt and try to squirm out from under him. 

Aleks lasted longer than he had expected, but eventually he became a mess, babbling something that sounded like a plea as James kept his grip tight, unrelenting until he finally cried out desperately, “Please, James please.”

James let go then and watched Aleks come, legs twitching and eyes rolling back in their sockets as he let out a high-pitched groan that was just a few octaves away from a scream. It wasn’t a real victory but it was something. 

There was a few seconds in which they both just lay there, breathing heavily and trying to recover.

Aleks had his eyes closed, but he opened them when James shifted out of the bed, he watched owlishly as he went into the connected bathroom and got a towel wet in the sink. 

“Here,” he tossed it at the bed, not watching to see if Aleks would use it or not before getting another one for himself. 

When he finished Aleks had the towel folded and placed surprisingly neat on the carpet near the foot of the bed. He had already crawled under the covers and looked to be fighting back sleep. James almost cried at the domesticity of it as he clambered in beside him, letting the moment of softness take over him, wrapping an arm around Aleks’ shoulders after turning off the light. 

“So about that car?” Aleks asked shamelessly as he curled into James’ embrace. 

“Go to sleep.” 

Aleks didn’t push it for once, he knew he had already won. 

 

 

James woke up first as he usually did, sheets twisted around his knees and Aleks’ legs interlocked with his. 

They hadn’t closed the blinds last night, so soft morning sun was shining through the window. James admired the view outside for half a second, watching the sun rise slowly, before turning to study Aleks. 

His breaths were deep but quiet, his chest moving up and back down in time with them. His hair splayed out on the pillow behind him, it was getting long again even though he said preferred to keep it short. It still wasn’t as long as it had been when they had met, James missed that length, he had liked to run his fingers through it. 

The scene was almost sickeningly beautiful, entirely too soft for what James was used to it and it made him nauseous. 

When Aleks slept he looked more human than he did awake. 

When he was awake he played a character. He had his own personal archetypes to flip through, from the bottle blonde party boy to the effortless seductress to a fucking manic pixie dream girl. He was good at being what other people wanted him to be, what they expected him to be. 

It used to work on James, the masks had seemed so real, but now he recognized them easier. He hated them all equally, desperately wishing he could have the Aleks that he fell in love with back, the real one. 

(There’s a part of him that knows that the Aleks James fell in love with was most likely a mask as well. A snare perfectly set to trap a rich fool and James was nothing if not a rich fool.)

James got enough of people acting while he was at work so he didn’t normally like ‘fake’ in personal life. Aleks managed to be the one confounding variable that stayed despite that, able to fly under the radar for months if needed, giving James just enough time to recover his sensibilities and remember why he should stop interacting with him, before he was barreling back into his life, begging for another chance and promising to change, to get better. 

It never changed. It never got better. 

He’s not even sure it gets worse anymore. 

Was the Aleks here right now, with his soft breaths and softer hair, any different than the Aleks from a few hours ago, with his sharp teeth and sharper words? 

Was James any different? 

In quiet moments like these James thought about the future. He let his mind wander and draw up images of what could be. It was like a videogame, there could be good endings or bad ones depending on how you play. 

Sometimes Aleks died, it would be something dramatic; an overdose on oxy or molly, or a dive off a building that no one would be able to decide whether it was intentional or not. It’s all very Hollywood, tragic but not entirely unexpected. Headlines for months before fading into oblivion, only to be brought up over beers occasionally, _you remember that one crazy druggie?_

Sometimes Aleks lived. He would leave behind his addictions, shed them like a winter coat in spring. They would move somewhere nice together and have picnics and watch fireworks, grow old with eachother over bottles of champagne and sunsets on the beach. It would be peaceful and calm and perfect in ways that wouldn’t fit them. 

And then there would be the times when James thought about Aleks leaving, not dying, but finding someone new. Someone with more money, who would let him crash as many cars as he wanted to and always bought him better replacements, no questions asked. Someone shinier than James, who smiled more and didn’t harass him about his drugs. Who was happy with who he was and didn't want him to change. Someone without the baggage their relationship has. 

James could never be sure which scenarios were the good ones and which were supposed to be the bad ones, which were realistic and which were fever dreams fueled by stupid fucking hate or stupid fucking love. 

It didn’t matter anyways, because Aleks was waking up now, back in his mind, back in his body. 

“If I got kidnapped, how much would you be willing to pay in ransom?” Aleks asked sleepily, a random thought that must have popped into his head on his half-awake state. 

His voice was hoarse and with the morning light shining on him James could see the bruises on his body more clearly when he pulled the covers down. He wasn’t sure which of them are from him and which are from some faceless girl or boy. 

“Please don’t fake a kidnapping to get more money.” 

Aleks giggled at that, his nose scrunched up and his eyes closed, it was something else James had missed, “But you would pay though, right?” 

James wanted to believe it was just the two of them, joking around post-coitus like lovers did, but he knew it was never just the two of them anymore. Aleks had some kind of motive, an angle he was playing while he thought James was too drunk on love to pick up on it. 

Three years ago Aleks would have been correct, back when James thought he could play the game too, but he had grown as a person since then. Now he knew that life wasn't a game of chess, with the rigidness of rules, and people like Aleks didn't move one space at a time. People like Aleks didn't like being trapped on a checkered square on a wooden board, forced to follow the instructions presented to them, so they would spit and scream and fight there way out. They would break all the fucking rules and leave behind the wreckage, the burnt bridges, for others to deal with. 

James knew all of this, but there was still something magnetic about the way that Aleks looked at him with seemingly innocent interest. He wouldn’t give him the answer he wanted, but he could at least give him an answer, play out the fantasy for a bit longer, “I would pay the kidnapper to keep you.” 

Aleks protested, pouting again, but it washed over James like a wave. 

Three years ago James would have believed that this was real. Two years ago James would have demanded an apology from Aleks for cheating on him for the nth time, he would have demanded that he go back to therapy like he had promised. One year ago James would have tried to see how far he could push until Aleks would stop talking to him for a month, just to see how long it would take for him to come crawling back, to feel that fucked up sense of pride when he finally did. 

Now he enjoyed the morning sun and relished in Aleks’ presence in _his_ bed instead of someone else's, it was all he really could do anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> the cow chop tag needed a sugar daddy au im sorry it had to be this one


End file.
